Thank you all for coming today. I’d like to take this opportunity to provide an update on our efforts to re-establish a theocracy in the United States and the rest of the Western World. In summary, things proceed apace and in may ways have exceeded our wildest dreams. Of course, the outcome was never in doubt as humans need to live in a theocracy the way fish need to live in water, and will writhe, wiggle, and squirm to return to it at all costs. It is probably a good idea at times like these to remind ourselves of our mission statement. A theocracy is a unity of church and state that sees as its purpose to carry out the will of the gods on Earth. A god is a metaphysical being with a will in that it can command human beings to act, and human being are obligated to follow the commandments of the god or suffer punishment.

Although it may seem that theocracy has been on the retreat for centuries, in fact we have made great strides reinstating theocracy since our low point around 1800. We have had to keep a low profile and proceed with utmost stealth, but our successes are breathtaking in their scope. Our strategy has always been to appease the anti-theocrats by giving up the trappings of theocracy while we slide the substance in right under their noses. For example, one of our greatest strategies has been our strict edict against depicting our gods in anthropomorphised form. It is of utmost strategic importance that there be no graven images before the time is right! We did bend the rules and allow an exception in one case. Of old, Athena the goddess of wisdom would be depicted as a woman with a bow and an owl who ruled over Athens. We did allow a depiction of Libertina, the goddess with a torch and a book to be constructed at the gateway to the US. (In my opinion they would have been better served worshiping Athena.) What’s more, be sure to never say “command,” it brings to mind “commandments” and their religious connotations, and is liable to raise eyebrows. Instead say demand, it means the same thing and won’t attract attention. If you say “Jupiter, the god of justice commands…” you run afoul of the so-called separation of church and state; if you drop the name and just say “justice demands…” or even better “social justice demands…” you can use the state to engage in any religious crusade you wish. It matters not, they are both metaphysical entities with a will that issue edicts humans must obey.

The very phrase “separation of church and state” actually was a great aid to us as long as we could define “church” and “religion” so narrowly that we could misdirect our enemies into looking at ceremonies, holidays, rituals, songs, festivals, and so on as being “religion.” In addition it limited our enemies to two choices and once we could redirect their attention and point to religion as what was going on over there, in those buildings, it created a void above both church and state, the unnamed and therefore unseen third position, which we quickly filled. From these heights we could operate unseen, free from suspicion, and could dictate to both church and state, public and private, secular and religious, personal and political.

Separation of church and state means nothing if it doesn’t mean separation of the functions of church and state. But we’ve been careful not to let this happen and this has been the camel’s nose we needed. As you know, the functions of religion are, among other things, to provide a moral education in the will of the gods through the telling of myths, stories, and biographies of saints, care for the sick, poor, and elderly, and to instruct the followers how to excommunicate heretics. The care for the sick and poor has been one area where we have succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. Even in times where we were at our strongest our fondest wish–the ability to extract sufficient funds by force and to imprison those who failed to provide sufficient charity—lay outside our grasp. We were limited to merely imploring our followers out of a sense of charity. By simply declaring this a secular goal it allowed us to shift this function to the state where funds could justifiably be extracted by force and resisters imprisoned. A power we dared not dream could be ours! Gods be praised!

Moral education in the will of the gods is undertaken partly through a massive church/state education program, and party through 24x7x365 cradle to grave religious indoctrination through our Hollywood operations. All stories told through Hollywood must conform to strict religious dogma. The range of acceptable opinion is simply non-existent; every single movie and television program conform to the one acceptable view, our view. There is literally no programming that does not conform to our strict control, something we were never able to accomplish even at prior times of strict de jure theocracy.

Finally, our education programs have succeeded in raising an army of religious fanatics ready to act and enforce instant punishment and excommunication of heretics. These cultists become divinely inspired and vow to carry out their god’s will on Earth as humans always have.

The fools believe they have constructed walls between secular and religious, public and private, but they are blind and do not see that all of these are mere appendages to our great form. They are like employees of Quaker Oats and Gatorade who don’t realize that they are all divisions of Pepsi. It matters not to us how they categorize these things since they all act at the task of furthering the will of the gods as dictated by us. Let them believe they work in a secular field–it is hilarious to watch them toil on in that belief—when they all worship our gods and carry out their commandments! Meanwhile we have managed to install our religious commissars watching at all times for heresy throughout their “private” universities and businesses.

Even the pathetic and powerless little groups calling themselves religions have become our vassals and place our gods above theirs. Is there a single one that does not cower before us in fear of invoking our retribution? Is there a single one that does not profess our gods above theirs? When church and state both profess the same gods can there by any doubt we live in a theocracy? Keeping them impotent and leashed has provided an additional benefit: it allows us to redirect attention to them as religion while our religion reigns unseen and supreme.

Otherwise things proceed as they always have. Priests and priestesses still disappear into their ivory temples and emerge proclaiming the will of the gods to the followers, speaking indecipherable gobbledy-gook whose very indecipherableness provides evidence of the veracity of their divine inspiration. Our enemies are dispirited and have dropped the preposterous pretense that their edicts were the result of pure reason. Reason itself has been discredited, and rightly seen as as tool of oppression, while our disciples have all but conceded their beliefs are the result of divine revelation.

As always the gods continue to squabble among themselves and their competing cults carry out these squabbles on Earth. People continue to become divinely inspired and vow to proclaim and implement their patron god’s will. As always, celebrities and the young seem particularly liable to be chosen by the gods for a divine mission which they take up with the greatest enthusiasm.

The only steps that remain to be taken are to lift the prohibition on graven images and to allow the gods to be depicted openly, give our temples their proper names, and reclaim our titles of priests and priestesses. When this happens, probably within a century or so, it will be a rather mundane event since surely by then it will have long since dawned on everyone that they live in a theocracy and the final step will be seen as a fait accompli.